Re-Tired

I once heard it said, “I was tired yesterday, and now I’m tired again today…I’m Re-tired.” Funny, but Kristi and I have been nothing but HAPPY since our decision to FIRE, leave our jobs, and regain our freedom. Getting to this place in life and this state of mind does not usually magically happen though. It typically involves some hard work, sacrifices, good choices, and often a shift in thinking about goals and the future. One could argue that being happy is somewhat relative to self-image, age and prior experience. Others may interpret happiness to go beyond the physical and to the ethereal. As I’ve grown older, I have been acutely aware of the passage of time and with the things that occupy my mind, which in turn affect my self-realization of why I am here on earth. In the mirror I see a just-past middle-aged man. I mostly do middle-aged man things. I have middle-aged man thoughts and middle-aged man views. Sometimes I want to do young man things and sometimes I find myself doing old man things. The fact is, I simply have lived the life I’ve had during the time I was put here on earth, being led by a multitude of personal choices, but often beyond my control. I have experienced things that others have not and have also shared experiences similar to many. My life thus far is unique to me, yet I am starting to feel the influences and confines of time and age.

Once upon a time I played sports. I ran, jumped, tackled, darted, shuffled, squatted, and pursued. For some time now I haven’t done those things, as my body has rightfully rebelled. I used to stay up late, party and generally partake in risky behavior. For many years now, I haven’t done those things either, as my better judgment has, thankfully, intervened. I have yet to experience discrimination or exclusion due to my age, but I am often the source of my now-grown kids’ and grandkids’ amusement. I grew up during a time when we had only 3 channels on TV (which we had to get up and walk over to in order to change the channel), no DVR, no realistic video games, no rectangles of knowledge (AKA cell phones!), and certainly no computers with internet. It was a time when it was okay to walk alone to school, we drank from garden hoses, rode bikes without a helmet, and basketball shorts were short! A time from which all of these things now seem foreign, or funny, or amazing to a younger generation, yet it was all part of MY experience and it will influence the rest of my remaining life and how I view the world, and ultimately my happiness, and even death. I will grow older…it’s inevitable. My body will gradually deteriorate, as this vessel is a fiendishly good counter! My memory will eventually falter and precious memories of the past will fade. I’m choosing to write, now, about time and age because we really only have a limited time here on earth to make our mark, or figure things out.

In the grand scheme of things there is little wiggle room to make sense of everything and make it all right. Many things can distract (both wasted avenues and neglected outlets) from real enlightenment, including lack of knowledge, fear, or laziness. The act of defining, or failing to even consider, who we are assuredly goes unnoticed by most individuals, but for those who do consciously consider it, may indeed find their personal truth. Although I have yet to delve into Yoga or the like, over the years I have somewhat sought deeper meaning. I’ve never really been interested in meditation or in directly seeking a metaphysical higher plane of existence, yet I am comfortable in my personal relationship with my creator, and perhaps one day all of life’s questions will be answered for me…or not. Perhaps I am too shallow for predominantly relying on my senses to absorb the natural world around me, but to this point, certainly well past halfway in my life, I believe that I am content in expanding my horizons through travel, personal experiences and people. I will find pleasure in sharing my life with the ones I love and “passing on” the things I’ve learned.

I do not, however, feel OLD and I am mostly healthy and active at this point. The arrival of wrinkles, lots of gray hair and an aching body sound the blaring alarm of withering time. The bottom line is, that time remains relative. We can do absolutely NOTHING about its passing. It simply is what it is, no matter how much we waste it, or hope and pray about how it moves. We use it to our advantage in the good times and curse it during the bad. Just as Plato believed centuries ago, the key is to find that balancing point of knowledge, spiritual identity and physical happiness before it’s too late. So, what better way than to spend our time being re-tired, and doing other positive “re-s” that come to mind, like re-lax, re-flect, re-live, re-spect, and re-joice!

Mike 8/24/2022